birthdays.... TIme

It's my birthday today. I just got off the phone with my boyfriend. Who told me it wasn't yet. Cuz he hadn't gone to sleep- it's not the next day til you go to sleep. Which is all fine and good except when it's my birthday! And he wouldn't sing to me. (he always sings me MY song before I go to bed.)


Lightning strikes. Time after time.
Thunder pounds at the door
Like my heart;
Time to run; time to pray;
to escape to another world
Where my dreams are real
and fantasies come true

Flash; panic fills the air;
Burning water's all you see
Coming out of nowhere
Thinking reality ...dreams die
Time to return to fantasy

Rain pours my tears freely
It's time for the end is near
Time for death; time for life
New beginnings and endings
Time to retreat; time to advance
Time to be reborn

06 Pessimistic

Sometimes I don't know why I try. Sometimes I don't know why I care. Sometimes I think I care too much. I care til hurts me and then I'm told I "just do too much."

It's those times that I feel like I can't do anything like I shouldn't be here since I can't do enough why should I bother doing anything. It hurts like you wouldn't believe.

I can't write like I used to... it's just not there...the creative bug is gone. I don't know where it went or what happened to it or why it left it just *did* and that bothers me a lot.

I can't...

So I'm freaking out all day today. It's just been rough. I can't find my anxiety meds *anywhere* so i just don't bother. It's giving me a headache. Got into it with my little brother.

When did that kid get taller and stronger than me? I DON"T like it.

Boyfriend doesn't like me calling to freak out. So I told him I was done calling him. And I am. I'm not going to call him anymore. If he wants me he'll call. . . .

I have an ex. Well...most of us do... that I really wish I hadn't dated.

He's an awesome friend. He's really a great guy...

But things aren't the same.

After almost 3 years.

I miss him

Some Days

Some days my life is crazy

Some days it’s insane

Some days nothing makes sense

It’s those days I love him most

You see there’s this boy

Most stories start like that, don’t they

…A boy and a girl…

They don’t have happy endings

But this one….I can be me

He made me find me.

He’s there when I’m insane

That happens a lot

Some days I hate him.

Some days I cry.

Some days I want to run and never look back

That happens very little

There’s this girl I found

Living inside me

And holy fuck is she fun

That sounds kinda creepy

Most days she laughs and smiles

Most days she’s never been happier

Most days, she even likes herself

That’s the boy’s fault.