one: bartak, bartak, my email, whitney
two: Where was your default picture taken? it's a grey goose image
three: What's your middle name? jeanne
four: What's your favorite color? pink and black
five: Does your crush like you back? yes
six: What is your current mood? happy cuzzz the bears won
seven: When is your birthday? may 30, 1988
eight: What color shirt are you wearing? blue
nine: If you were going on a reality tv show, which one would it be? uhhhm the bachelorette
ten: Did you ever sneak into an R-rated movie? no..but i snuck a boyfriend of mine into one
eleven: Ever had a near-death experience? oh yes
twelve: Something you do a lot? study. :-(
thirteen: How old will you be in 12 months: 21
fourteen: Do you want to see somebody right now? nah
fifteen: How many piercings? six
sixteen: How many tattoos? just one
seventeen: When was the last time you cried? a couple days ago
eighteen: Who would you do anything for? lots o close people and family
nineteen: Who is your hero? oh that changes from day to day
twenty: Favorite movie? pretty woman
twenty-one: Favorie song? right now, it's womanizer by britney
twenty-two: What's your biggest fear? being alone
twenty-three: Would you ever take one of your ex's back? oh no!
twenty-four: Favorite TV show? grey's
twenty-five: What are you going to do tonight? studying.
twenty-six: What was the first thing you said this morning? baby..gatorade plz
twenty-seven: Speak any other languages? french
twenty-eight: What's your favorite smell? drews cologne
twenty-nine: What do you sleep in? a blanket
thirty: What are your favorite baby names? girls: jennifer, ashleigh boys: danick and michael
thirty-one: Do you like rain? hate it
thirty-two: What are you thinking about right now? my baby
thirty-three: What did your last text say?not usually
thirty-four: What are you listening to? the game end
thirty-five: What windows are open on your computer right now? a LOT
thirty-six: Who was the last person you yelled at? probably drew
thirty-seven: Who was the last person you kissed? drew
thirty-eight: Who is your celebrity crush? USHER
thirty-nine: Who last made you smile? my baby
forty: Who is the last person you hugged? drew
9/28/08
9/27/08
9/23/08
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. please love me.
Holy fuck my day today sucks. I'm trying to "trust in the lord" and all, but I just don't see how I can get through the day. I want a pack of cigs because I have so much to do. I have class, then therapy, then working out (and no I can't skip that) and then lunch, and a group meeting, mandatory shopping for trial, and then practice til after 11. AND sometime in between a shitton of accounting and finance homework to do, a bit of IS 101; at least there's no management. At least I can figure it out somehow. Maybe I can get some of it done *during* trial. Even though that's slightly illegal. Fuck. Me. In. The. Ass. I hate my life.
I want my cigarettes to reduce this stress just a little. please. boy wouldn't respond to me saying I wanted them last night. I'm like a dollar short to buy the pack I like- the pink ones. Obviously. lol. <3. I don't smoke often, I just... I can't calm down, and if I can't calm down then I can't do anything and that makes the whole cycle that much worse.
*cries*
I am so fucked for the day. Make me better. Please.
I want my cigarettes to reduce this stress just a little. please. boy wouldn't respond to me saying I wanted them last night. I'm like a dollar short to buy the pack I like- the pink ones. Obviously. lol. <3. I don't smoke often, I just... I can't calm down, and if I can't calm down then I can't do anything and that makes the whole cycle that much worse.
*cries*
I am so fucked for the day. Make me better. Please.
9/21/08
so...sarah, k, and i do the same surveys. wanna make something of it bitch.
Did you get laid last night?
no. it was an emotional night
Favorite kind of beer?
Michelob Golden Light
Ever kissed someone who smokes?
yes.
What are your outlooks on gay/bisexual relationships?
doesn't affect me. i don't have an opinion. let them be happy.
Last text says?
okay see you next weekend
Do you get good grades?
decent
How much longer will you be living at your current residence?
probably a long time
Do you like bananas?
sometimes
Do you own a little black dress?
uhhm not really.
Next concert you are going to?
no idea. k. take me with you.
Your favorite thing to drink on a hot summer day?
uv blue and lemonade.
If you could change one thing about your past, without it changing every other aspect of your life, what would it be?
i have no idea. i don't really regret my past
Are you happy with where you are in life, at this time?
right now. yes.
If you could travel anywhere in the world, without cost being a deciding factor, where would you go?
France and Italy
Are you the type of person who prefers one or two close friends, or lots of acquaintances?
close friends
Are you still friends with anyone you went to school with?
yes
If you and one friend were asked to be on a reality TV show, who would you take with you?
sonja. obviously.
Beer, wine or liquor?
liquor
If you could have a date with any celebrity, who would it be and what would you do?
usher. and what wouldn't we do ;-)
Do you think you can love someone without trusting them?
no
Do you believe it is possible to be in love with someone you've never actually spent time with?
i don't think so
Do you believe in soul mates?
yeah
If your partner was unable to have sex due to illness or injury, would you stay with them?
yes. i could deal with that.
Worst relationship mistake you wish you could take back?
uhhhm staying with a certain someone too long
Where did you get your last bruise from?
uhhm probably drew.
Who is in your house right now besides you?
drew
Have you ever thought you were gonna die?
yeah
Have your parents seen your MySpace page?
probably
What was the first thing that you thought about this morning?
wow i slept a long time
When was the last time you saw a cop?
an hour ago.
Are you waiting for something?
nope
Who has your heart?
drew
Have your parents ever caught you drinking?
i drink with my parents
Are you an emotional person?
i hate it!!!!
Do you believe in love?
yeah
Who knows your Myspace password?
me. and so does drew.
Where is the person you have feelings for right now?
in the kitchen.
where he belongs ;-)
just kidding.
Do you have trust issues?
yes
Is your best friend a virgin?
uhhhm no
Do you want to know who you're going to marry?
sure why not
Should you be doing something more productive right now?
homework
Are you friends with the last person you kissed?
dating him
no. it was an emotional night
Favorite kind of beer?
Michelob Golden Light
Ever kissed someone who smokes?
yes.
What are your outlooks on gay/bisexual relationships?
doesn't affect me. i don't have an opinion. let them be happy.
Last text says?
okay see you next weekend
Do you get good grades?
decent
How much longer will you be living at your current residence?
probably a long time
Do you like bananas?
sometimes
Do you own a little black dress?
uhhm not really.
Next concert you are going to?
no idea. k. take me with you.
Your favorite thing to drink on a hot summer day?
uv blue and lemonade.
If you could change one thing about your past, without it changing every other aspect of your life, what would it be?
i have no idea. i don't really regret my past
Are you happy with where you are in life, at this time?
right now. yes.
If you could travel anywhere in the world, without cost being a deciding factor, where would you go?
France and Italy
Are you the type of person who prefers one or two close friends, or lots of acquaintances?
close friends
Are you still friends with anyone you went to school with?
yes
If you and one friend were asked to be on a reality TV show, who would you take with you?
sonja. obviously.
Beer, wine or liquor?
liquor
If you could have a date with any celebrity, who would it be and what would you do?
usher. and what wouldn't we do ;-)
Do you think you can love someone without trusting them?
no
Do you believe it is possible to be in love with someone you've never actually spent time with?
i don't think so
Do you believe in soul mates?
yeah
If your partner was unable to have sex due to illness or injury, would you stay with them?
yes. i could deal with that.
Worst relationship mistake you wish you could take back?
uhhhm staying with a certain someone too long
Where did you get your last bruise from?
uhhm probably drew.
Who is in your house right now besides you?
drew
Have you ever thought you were gonna die?
yeah
Have your parents seen your MySpace page?
probably
What was the first thing that you thought about this morning?
wow i slept a long time
When was the last time you saw a cop?
an hour ago.
Are you waiting for something?
nope
Who has your heart?
drew
Have your parents ever caught you drinking?
i drink with my parents
Are you an emotional person?
i hate it!!!!
Do you believe in love?
yeah
Who knows your Myspace password?
me. and so does drew.
Where is the person you have feelings for right now?
in the kitchen.
where he belongs ;-)
just kidding.
Do you have trust issues?
yes
Is your best friend a virgin?
uhhhm no
Do you want to know who you're going to marry?
sure why not
Should you be doing something more productive right now?
homework
Are you friends with the last person you kissed?
dating him
9/17/08
juicy campus
WHAT THE FUCK
this site is juvenile and childish and holy shit. Are we in fucking elementary school?
There isn't even anything there about me...about a couple of my friends yes, and it's fucking stupid. Haylee = NOT a whore. Who hasn't made a couple drunken mistakes. AND PLUS if she's THAT drunk.... it's RAPE fucker.
Karissa... = most beautiful person EVER. Leave her the FUCK alone. Or Sarah and I will come beat your ass. I love Karissa. It's not her fault she likes profs. Guess what...most of them are a hell of a lot more respectful than college boys will EVER be.
There's just no sexy ones in the business school.
fuck.
this site is juvenile and childish and holy shit. Are we in fucking elementary school?
There isn't even anything there about me...about a couple of my friends yes, and it's fucking stupid. Haylee = NOT a whore. Who hasn't made a couple drunken mistakes. AND PLUS if she's THAT drunk.... it's RAPE fucker.
Karissa... = most beautiful person EVER. Leave her the FUCK alone. Or Sarah and I will come beat your ass. I love Karissa. It's not her fault she likes profs. Guess what...most of them are a hell of a lot more respectful than college boys will EVER be.
There's just no sexy ones in the business school.
fuck.
it's just me and ma boyfriend. <3
1: What are your middle names?
mine...jeanne...
his...young han
2:: How long have you been together?
a year and nine months
3:: Do you have any children together?
we have our kitten.
4:: What about pets?
lol her name is ginger
5:: Did you go to the same school?
yes.
6:: Are you from the same hometown?
nope
7:: Do you live in the same town now?
yes...kind of
8:: Who is the smartest?
he says i am.
9:: Who is the most sensitive?
me :s
10:: Where is the first place you went to eat as a couple?
ummm...the tavern?
11:: Do you wear matching clothes?
no. that's weird
12:: Where is the furthest you have traveled as a couple?
chicago
13:: Who has the best group of friends?
ME easily. lol
14:: Who has the craziest ex[es]?
oh that's me too. duuumb
15:: Who has the worst temper?
fuck. me again.
16:: Who does the cooking?
that's me. i <3 cooking
17:: Who's more social?
lately him
18:: Who is the neat freak?
neither
19:: Who is the most affectionate?
both
20:: Who is the most stubborn?
he is
22:: Who wakes up earlier?
i do.
23:: Where was your first date?
uhhhm...olive garden
24:: Who said "I Love You" first?
he did
25:: How did you spend your 1st year anniversary?
uhhhhm.... went to a chinese restaurant?
26:: Who has the bigger family?
he does...well if you count his mom...otherwise their the same
27:: Do you give/get flowers often?
i got flowers *plural* last on valentines day
got *a* flower on our last date. which was sweet.
28:: How do you spend the holidays?
with respective famiilies
29:: Is it love?
very muchly so!!!!
mine...jeanne...
his...young han
2:: How long have you been toget
a year and nine months
3:: Do you have any child
we have our kitten.
4:: What about
lol her name is ginger
5:: Did you go to the same schoo
yes.
6:: Are you from the same homet
nope
7:: Do you live in the same town now?
yes...kind of
8:: Who is the smart
he says i am.
9:: Who is the most sensi
me :s
10:: Where
ummm...the tavern?
11:: Do you wear match
no. that's weird
12:: Where
chicago
13:: Who has the best group
ME easily. lol
14:: Who has the crazi
oh that's me too. duuumb
15:: Who has the worst
fuck. me again.
16:: Who does the cooki
that's me. i <3 cooking
17:: Who'
lately him
18:: Who is the neat freak
neither
19:: Who is the most affec
both
20:: Who is the most stubb
he is
22:: Who wakes
i do.
23:: Where
uhhhm...olive garden
24:: Who said "I Love You" first
he did
25:: How did you spend
uhhhhm.... went to a chinese restaurant?
26:: Who has the bigge
he does...well if you count his mom...otherwise their the same
27:: Do you give/
i got flowers *plural* last on valentines day
got *a* flower on our last date. which was sweet.
28:: How do you spend
with respective famiilies
29:: Is it love?
very muchl
I'm so hungry...so sick of class. I hate Wednesdays. I failed a management assignment, but I think most people probably did today. She's going to look at everyone's and try to add points back... granted i need at least 2 full points to not *fail* the assignment completely.
I detest the smell of smoke. Unless I have a cig too.
I want a motorcycle. badly.
a harley. <3
I detest the smell of smoke. Unless I have a cig too.
I want a motorcycle. badly.
a harley. <3
9/16/08
shitty
Last night my boyfriend and I got into a huge fight. It fucking sucked. He came home around 1:30 and I was already upset with him. We were up fighting til around 3:30. And I had 8am class. I hate my life sometimes. I don’t have time to take a nap today, so I have to drink loads of caffeine to finish my finance, management, and trial stuff. *dumb*
I’m real worried about how today’s going to go … I’m worried that boy and I are going to break up… that would kill me. I love him. But I want him to be happy…and if that’s without me, then so be it.
He tells me I worry too much. . . I stress about too many things. I call too often with problems he thinks I need him to fix. I’m freaked out. I don’t know how to relax. No one ever taught me. Any help on this would be appreciated cuz I don’t wanna lose my boy. :*(
I thought things were going so well … and he comes out with this. I’m scared as hell. But I don’t want to show it, because I don’t want him to think I’m worrying and can’t relax. Even though that’s true.
Fuck. This is a retarded problem. *sighs* I wish that I could fast forward til this was all over. I want to know he’s going to love me forever like he said. That boy means more to me than anything. I want to be his. I should be able to. But I haven’t been the most fabulous girlfriend to him. I’ve taken advantage of how much he cares. I know I call too often. I know I hide from problems at his house, and I know that I make things harder for him.
*cries*
I want to be cuddled and made feel like a princess. I want him to want to be with me. But I don’t want to force it. Ever …
He says that I’m not happy and that’s halfway true. I’m happy with him…but not with life. I don’t know how to be happy with life. I can’t remember how. I can’t remember what happy feels like. Or what I need to do to get happy. Or at least to be happy for more than like 15 minutes. Long term happiness is a totally foreign term to me.
I’m real worried about how today’s going to go … I’m worried that boy and I are going to break up… that would kill me. I love him. But I want him to be happy…and if that’s without me, then so be it.
He tells me I worry too much. . . I stress about too many things. I call too often with problems he thinks I need him to fix. I’m freaked out. I don’t know how to relax. No one ever taught me. Any help on this would be appreciated cuz I don’t wanna lose my boy. :*(
I thought things were going so well … and he comes out with this. I’m scared as hell. But I don’t want to show it, because I don’t want him to think I’m worrying and can’t relax. Even though that’s true.
Fuck. This is a retarded problem. *sighs* I wish that I could fast forward til this was all over. I want to know he’s going to love me forever like he said. That boy means more to me than anything. I want to be his. I should be able to. But I haven’t been the most fabulous girlfriend to him. I’ve taken advantage of how much he cares. I know I call too often. I know I hide from problems at his house, and I know that I make things harder for him.
*cries*
I want to be cuddled and made feel like a princess. I want him to want to be with me. But I don’t want to force it. Ever …
He says that I’m not happy and that’s halfway true. I’m happy with him…but not with life. I don’t know how to be happy with life. I can’t remember how. I can’t remember what happy feels like. Or what I need to do to get happy. Or at least to be happy for more than like 15 minutes. Long term happiness is a totally foreign term to me.
9/14/08
How long have you liked the person you currently like?
A long time. I love him.
When is your birthday?
may 30 88. 8 more months baby.
What do you want right now?
cuddles and to watch baby mama
What's your favorite color?
pink
Have you kissed anyone in the last 48 hours?
oooooo yes
Do you like your first name?
yeah
Where do you want to live?
here. <3
Did you cry today?
no. which is a surprise
What were you doing at 8 this morning?
Sleeping
What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
uhhhm at hyvee
What are you listening to?
new music on itunes
What are you currently doing?
deciding what music to dl
Who last sent you a text message?
sonja
Have you told anybody you loved them today?
yeeeeeeeessssssss
Do you miss anybody?
nope
Any plans for tomorrow?
class. working out? homework
What was the reason behind the last time you cried?
yesterday
Is there anyone you want to be with right now?
nope
Are you going to be home alone tonight?
No
Can you fill this out without lying?
Duh
Have you kissed anyone who's name starts with the letter C?
oooo yes
What's the last thing you put in your mouth?
Ice cream
Where was your default picture taken?
ihhhm rcb
Last time you walked further than a block?
today
Name someone that made you laugh today?
drew and sarah
When was the last time you saw number 1 on your top friends?
right now
How late did you stay up last night and why?
no idea.
If you could move somewhere else, would you?
Not right now
Which of your friends lives closest to you?
uhhm ron?
Do you believe ex's can be friends?
yes
Do you prefer to call or text?
call
When was the last time you cried really hard?
2 days ago
Where are you at right now?
the house
Who took your profile picture?
uhhm nick?
Was yesterday better than today?
no
Can you live a day without TV?
Yes
Are you mad about anything?
stupid fever
Do you think relationships are ever really worth it?
This one is <3.
When was the last time you were extremely disappointed?
Last night
Are you a bad influence?
No
Night out or night in?
Depends on my mood. Usually in.
What items could you not go without during the day?
Some sort of music playing device :)
Would you share a drink with a stranger?
No
but i think i have
Last hug?
Today
Do you think it’s weird for straight guys to get their tongue pierced?
A bit
How do you feel about your life right now?
I love it!
Do you hate anyone?
hate's a strong word
Anyone upset you lately?
A bit
A long time. I love him.
When is your birth
may 30 88. 8 more months baby.
What do you want right
cuddles and to watch baby mama
What'
pink
Have you kisse
oooooo yes
Do you like your first
yeah
Where
here. <3
Did you cry today
no. which is a surprise
What were you doing
Sleep
What were you doing
uhhhm at hyvee
What are you liste
new music on itunes
What are you curre
deciding what music to dl
Who last sent you a text messa
sonja
Have you told anybo
yeeeeeeeessssssss
Do you miss anybo
nope
Any plans
class. working out? homework
What was the reaso
yesterday
Is there
nope
Are you going
No
Can you fill this out witho
Duh
Have you kisse
oooo yes
What'
Ice cream
Where
ihhhm rcb
Last time you walke
today
Name someo
drew and sarah
When was the last time you saw numbe
right now
How late did you stay up last night
no idea.
If you could
Not right
Which
uhhm ron?
Do you belie
yes
Do you prefe
call
When was the last time you cried
2 days ago
Where
the house
Who took your profi
uhhm nick?
Was yeste
no
Can you live a day witho
Yes
Are you mad about
stupid fever
Do you think
This one is <3.
When was the last time you were extre
Last night
Are you a bad influ
No
Night
Depen
What items
Some sort of music
Would
No
but i think i have
Last hug?
Today
Do you think
A bit
How do you feel about
I love it!
Do you hate anyon
hate's a strong word
Anyon
A bit
9/13/08
MY SONJA IS HERE!! I had dinner with her tonight and it was so good. And after a kinda lame dinner last night we went to a kinda lame movie with her and her (all to often on again off again) boyfriend. I AM SO FUCKING HAPPY. I missed that girl. I wish she didn't have to go back to Seattle on Tuesday. :-(
Boyfriend is being soooo sweet to me. Probably cuz I hafta help him pick out his dad's birthday present. LAME. I have no idea what to fuckin get the guy. . .
Boyfriend is being soooo sweet to me. Probably cuz I hafta help him pick out his dad's birthday present. LAME. I have no idea what to fuckin get the guy. . .
9/11/08
lyke sisterhoodz lyke totally lyke r lyke amazin
"like it's not lyke all my lyke friendz are in the house ya know. it's kinda weird lyke i don't know i guess lyke."
This dumb ass blonde phi...
NOT helping my ideas and beliefs about the greek system in general. lyke omg seriously!
it's no one's fault lyke you know
holy fuck. can she get a fuckin vocabulary.
stupid bitch.
This dumb ass blonde phi...
NOT helping my ideas and beliefs about the greek system in general. lyke omg seriously!
it's no one's fault lyke you know
holy fuck. can she get a fuckin vocabulary.
stupid bitch.
9/10/08
1. I love...Drew Hillman <3
2. Right now I want...to be done with homework
3. I feel like...I should be studying
4. I hate it when...i feel used
5. I fear...being alone
6. I'm lonely without...people
7. I need...to do my accounting
8. Today I...had a pretty bizarre day!
9. Tomorrow I'm...watching the (recorded) finale of secret life
10. I just...feel like shit
11. I want to meet...jake gyllenhal
12. I'm hungry for...nothing
13. I love it when...I feel appreciated
14. I'm afraid of...grocery store parking lots and the dark
15. I'm listening to...silence
16. I'm wearing...sweats
17. I wish I was in...his arms
18. I'm craving...cuddling
19. I want to get...through this semester without failing. lol
20. I can...get over my anxiety
21. I can't...control my feelings
22. I have...a good boy
23. I haven't...been this stable in a while
24. I'm nervous to...tell my parents i went back to trial
25. My Mom thinks I'm...intelligent
26. My Dad thinks I'm... insane
27. I think...I'm tired
28. I'm happy when...I'm with him
29. I'm sad when...I'm alone
30. I like eating...fruit
31. I hate eating...spinach
32. I love watching...people
33. I love listening to...coldplay
34. I like playing...poker
35. I hate waking up to...a cloudy sky
36. I can see... a computer screen
37. I'm glad that...I don't have a lot left to do
38. I'm disappointed that...I have any left lolz
39. I look like...Kelly Clarkson? That's what the girls I babysat told me..........lol
40. I wish I looked like...Jennifer Lopez
2. Right now I want...to be done with homework
3. I feel like...I should be studying
4. I hate it when...i feel used
5. I fear...being alone
6. I'm lonely without...people
7. I need...to do my accounting
8. Today I...had a pretty bizarre day!
9. Tomorrow I'm...watching the (recorded) finale of secret life
10. I just...feel like shit
11. I want to meet...jake gyllenhal
12. I'm hungry for...nothing
13. I love it when...I feel appreciated
14. I'm afraid of...grocery store parking lots and the dark
15. I'm listening to...silence
16. I'm wearing...sweats
17. I wish I was in...his arms
18. I'm craving...cuddling
19. I want to get...through this semester without failing. lol
20. I can...get over my anxiety
21. I can't...control my feelings
22. I have...a good boy
23. I haven't...been this stable in a while
24. I'm nervous to...tell my parents i went back to trial
25. My Mom thinks I'm...intelligent
26. My Dad thinks I'm... insane
27. I think...I'm tired
28. I'm happy when...I'm with him
29. I'm sad when...I'm alone
30. I like eating...fruit
31. I hate eating...spinach
32. I love watching...people
33. I love listening to...coldplay
34. I like playing...poker
35. I hate waking up to...a cloudy sky
36. I can see... a computer screen
37. I'm glad that...I don't have a lot left to do
38. I'm disappointed that...I have any left lolz
39. I look like...Kelly Clarkson? That's what the girls I babysat told me..........lol
40. I wish I looked like...Jennifer Lopez
9/9/08
9/7/08
my boy. oh i love him. *sappy*
"when you look me in the eyes, I catch I glimpse of heaven
I find my paradise when you look me in the eyes"
I don't want to be that girl. The girl that talks incessantly about her boyfriend of two years and how fabulous he is (especially since she knows it isn't "getting" her anywhere cuz he doesn't read her blog)
But I swear, this boy... he cares more for me than he should. I'm not that special but he makes me feel like the world revolves around me. He honestly cares about my opinion and he doesn't yell at me. He doesn't make me feel like shit. I keep waiting for the world to fall apart, for this all to come down, for it to be shot to hell. I keep waiting for him to walk out, and say sorry it was all a joke. I didn't mean to ruin your life. But he's not going to. He's been *mine*, legitimately, for a year and nine months, though he's been one of the boys I've been closest to for damn near two years.
He's been so sweet to me this weekend. (I had implanon put in my arm so that I didn't have to remember to take b/c pills every day.) My arm has hurt like fuck all weekend. Lies. Fucking doesn't hurt. Not usually. I have a pretty damn sweet bruise from it though. But even though he hasn't felt fabulous he's taken better care of me than I ever could have asked for. He has been sweeter and been nicer to me than I could have ever dreamed a boy could be. I didn't think that anyone would love me like he does, and everyday I question if I deserve it. I have trouble remembering how many advil he takes, but he remembers *everything* He's the type of boy who would pick up tampons and midol for me if I needed him to. He pays for my cosmo addiction =D. And he stays awake to cuddle me til I fall asleep, even though he can't sleep holding me.
I can't imagine what my life would be like without him in it. I can't wait to become *his* forever. <3 . And I'm definitely not looking to get married. Somehow, that is exactly what I want right now though.
I find my paradise when you look me in the eyes"
I don't want to be that girl. The girl that talks incessantly about her boyfriend of two years and how fabulous he is (especially since she knows it isn't "getting" her anywhere cuz he doesn't read her blog)
But I swear, this boy... he cares more for me than he should. I'm not that special but he makes me feel like the world revolves around me. He honestly cares about my opinion and he doesn't yell at me. He doesn't make me feel like shit. I keep waiting for the world to fall apart, for this all to come down, for it to be shot to hell. I keep waiting for him to walk out, and say sorry it was all a joke. I didn't mean to ruin your life. But he's not going to. He's been *mine*, legitimately, for a year and nine months, though he's been one of the boys I've been closest to for damn near two years.
He's been so sweet to me this weekend. (I had implanon put in my arm so that I didn't have to remember to take b/c pills every day.) My arm has hurt like fuck all weekend. Lies. Fucking doesn't hurt. Not usually. I have a pretty damn sweet bruise from it though. But even though he hasn't felt fabulous he's taken better care of me than I ever could have asked for. He has been sweeter and been nicer to me than I could have ever dreamed a boy could be. I didn't think that anyone would love me like he does, and everyday I question if I deserve it. I have trouble remembering how many advil he takes, but he remembers *everything* He's the type of boy who would pick up tampons and midol for me if I needed him to. He pays for my cosmo addiction =D. And he stays awake to cuddle me til I fall asleep, even though he can't sleep holding me.
I can't imagine what my life would be like without him in it. I can't wait to become *his* forever. <3 . And I'm definitely not looking to get married. Somehow, that is exactly what I want right now though.
aliens. fuck you dumbass boy
You can't survive in outer space, so if an "alien" sucked you off this planet and into space, it wouldn't be murder because you can't survive outside your earthly environment? That is not a valid argument, taking the life of another is murder.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME
that is so full of "what ifs" and aliens and shit, and HE thinks it's a valid argument. Abortion does NOT equal murder. It just doesn't.
I don't believe it's a legit form of b/c but it's not fucking murder. It can't breathe, it can't eat, it can't do *anything* on its own and you want me to believe that it's murder? If I don't want to have a child that's my prerogative. Not yours. Not any man's. When your body has to go through the changes mine would to have a child, then you can have a say on abortion. Not before. When you have a legitimate reason to have an opinion, you can have one. But, if *she* gets pregnant because *you* were irresponsible, and she can't have a child for one of various reasons, one of which being a lack of being able to support one, it's her CHOICE to not have one.
ALIENS? please.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME
that is so full of "what ifs" and aliens and shit, and HE thinks it's a valid argument. Abortion does NOT equal murder. It just doesn't.
I don't believe it's a legit form of b/c but it's not fucking murder. It can't breathe, it can't eat, it can't do *anything* on its own and you want me to believe that it's murder? If I don't want to have a child that's my prerogative. Not yours. Not any man's. When your body has to go through the changes mine would to have a child, then you can have a say on abortion. Not before. When you have a legitimate reason to have an opinion, you can have one. But, if *she* gets pregnant because *you* were irresponsible, and she can't have a child for one of various reasons, one of which being a lack of being able to support one, it's her CHOICE to not have one.
ALIENS? please.
9/4/08
also,
sorry about my rant about girls just wanting to drink. I know I need to take a bit more responsibility in that dept too. . . I just get discouraged easily and was having a panic attack about it. . .
I'm going to see my therapist Tuesday at 10am though. So, that's a positive. Definitely a positive.
ps. still hate boys.
sorry about my rant about girls just wanting to drink. I know I need to take a bit more responsibility in that dept too. . . I just get discouraged easily and was having a panic attack about it. . .
I'm going to see my therapist Tuesday at 10am though. So, that's a positive. Definitely a positive.
ps. still hate boys.
I am sick of the way poker club is being run. I fucking love playing poker. BUT I'm sick of people thinking they're good and verbally abusing other people (especially the malaysians) because of their "lack" of skill.
poker club is about *learning*
not about abuse.
i fucking hate boys
not men
the childish assholes that we have at drake.
boys.
poker club is about *learning*
not about abuse.
i fucking hate boys
not men
the childish assholes that we have at drake.
boys.
abortion
One of my dumbass guy friends "you're either prolife or prodeath"
No. Fucker. You're not.
I am not "prodeath" because I would have an abortion right now. I am pro-choice, because I don't deserve to have a child I don't want, and that child doesn't deserve to be brought into a world where it isn't wanted. That's wrong and no child should have to live with the fact that it isn't desired and that mommy doesn't love it.
No. Fucker. You're not.
I am not "prodeath" because I would have an abortion right now. I am pro-choice, because I don't deserve to have a child I don't want, and that child doesn't deserve to be brought into a world where it isn't wanted. That's wrong and no child should have to live with the fact that it isn't desired and that mommy doesn't love it.
voting...and girls.
I severely dislike having the responsibility to vote. I don’t want to mess up my first time and vote for a bad candidate. I’m leaning republican though. Which is anti-a lot of what I believe in. But here’s a thought. . . is it not beneficial to have a woman in office- no matter her beliefs- because it will make it easier for a second woman, one that supports our rights, to get in office. It would be easier, even if detrimental, to get a woman with “man’s beliefs” in office, and since the second and third times are easier, elect a woman with feminist beliefs next. It’s flawed logic I know. . . but I’m trying to justify my vote when I would be voting anti-abortion and anti-gay rights. . . but damn I dislike obama/biden.
*************************************************************************************
I’m also sick of my girl friends being my drinking buddies. I have guys for that. I don’t need to go out and drink to have a good time. Fuck that. Why can’t we just have game nights or movie nights or something else or I don’t even know. Why does there have to be booze involved, because that’s bullshit. I don’t want to drink every time I see you. . . that’s ungodly bad for my waistline and my liver. I don’t want to hate myself because I don’t know if I have friends that will actually be there for me. I don’t know that the girls I spend time with would like me if I didn’t drink. That’s why I miss Sonja. She loved me no matter what. . . and I knew that because we were always together. (I’m kind of having an anxiety attack mid-class and trying to hide it) We did things that involved zero alcohol; we went and worked out, shopped, laughed, talked about boys, etc etc. I miss that. . . more than I should.
*************************************************************************************
I’m also sick of my girl friends being my drinking buddies. I have guys for that. I don’t need to go out and drink to have a good time. Fuck that. Why can’t we just have game nights or movie nights or something else or I don’t even know. Why does there have to be booze involved, because that’s bullshit. I don’t want to drink every time I see you. . . that’s ungodly bad for my waistline and my liver. I don’t want to hate myself because I don’t know if I have friends that will actually be there for me. I don’t know that the girls I spend time with would like me if I didn’t drink. That’s why I miss Sonja. She loved me no matter what. . . and I knew that because we were always together. (I’m kind of having an anxiety attack mid-class and trying to hide it) We did things that involved zero alcohol; we went and worked out, shopped, laughed, talked about boys, etc etc. I miss that. . . more than I should.
9/3/08
song
Have you ever had the type of day that can be *defined* by song. That was my day today. I woke up to 'good morning beautiful' with my boyfriend next to me before he went to class. I fell back asleep and woke up to 'it's a great day to be alive'
Class drug on. All fucking day. 'another brick in the wall' right
After class it was more time with the boyfriend who, every day, i'm ungodly 'amazed' by.
So that was cheesy. but I have had the most wonderful day. Even though I was assigned terrible amounts of homework and have to work in billions of teams for class it was a great day.
Class drug on. All fucking day. 'another brick in the wall' right
After class it was more time with the boyfriend who, every day, i'm ungodly 'amazed' by.
So that was cheesy. but I have had the most wonderful day. Even though I was assigned terrible amounts of homework and have to work in billions of teams for class it was a great day.
9/2/08
*sighs*
Class. Once again. 15 minutes into it. I hate how badly I have ADD in this class.
Again, I have nothing of any importance to say. I miss Karissa. I haven’t seen her in for fucking ever. . . which sucks. I don’t want to do all my homework for tomorrow but I know I need to.
I am so excited for Sims 3 to come out. When it does I’m buying a desktop. I want one anyway…but this way I have an excuse. Lolz
I need to call my therapist after class. Which sucks. I don’t really want to because I wanted to think that I was “better” I wanted to think that I no longer had anxiety issues but the way I’m crying myself to sleep at night, the way that the anxiety attacks are back, the way I look at knives, the way I want to be alone because I always fuck things up says differently.
Sarah Palin. *sigh* oh why McCain?
Trial practice starts on Thursday which is fabulous and I’m super excited for it. I have to leave early though, because of poker club. Lame. Lol. I missed trial so much. I don’t know though. My freshman year jrs and srs have all graduated. . . but. . . that means there is no one left on the team I’ve done anything with; definitely a positive.
Fuck, I’m hungry. My blog, I’ve found is basically a stream of consciousness, sorry if that’s annoying to anyone that reads it.
Jeeeeeez I was worried about being pregnant… but the cramps I have are telling me I’m not. Holy shit. Wish I hadn’t taken my midol out of my bookbag. I suppose it’s a good thing though.
Stole this quiz from Karissa… lol
| Are you cheating on someone right now? |
9/1/08
Side note...I haven't posted in so long I've forgotten how to
My boyfriend... has been absolutely fabulous.
I spent the weekend with him in chicago at a friend's wedding and he treated me like a queen.
We did fight... but we communicated (see good bf) and worked things out like adults rather than like children. I love that man.
I need my stomach to stop hurting. I'm sick of it hurting for the last *month*
I need to do homework. but fuck that. I really don't want to. Cuz I feel soooo gross.
My boyfriend... has been absolutely fabulous.
I spent the weekend with him in chicago at a friend's wedding and he treated me like a queen.
We did fight... but we communicated (see good bf) and worked things out like adults rather than like children. I love that man.
I need my stomach to stop hurting. I'm sick of it hurting for the last *month*
I need to do homework. but fuck that. I really don't want to. Cuz I feel soooo gross.
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