Content. Well Being. At ease.
Things my life aren't (isn't?) right now. Things I wish it were. This time it's not my fault. I didn't fuck that boy. I didn't tell his girlfriend- all I did was make sure she was okay. Fuckers. I love that house. I love those boys. Most of them tell me not to worry about it... but how can I not? How can I not worry that I can't go and see them in their house? It's where I like to go DANCE. I love dancing. and I'm pretty decent at it. :-) Going out dressed all sexy... It's pretty much my favorite.
Other than this drama.. there's a girl, C, G's exgf that is claiming it's my fault she's drinking herself to death. Well, mine and his.
I've started smoking. And drinking more. I drank almost almost an entire bottle of absolut by myself. I'm so stressed out and I just don't know how to deal with it. I'm not addicted to smokes yet. I'm not okay. I want to be.
I want to be okay. I want to leave all the drama behind. I've come to the conclusion that my life should be on MTV. Seirously it's more entertaining than most of the shows they already have. I'm better than fucking New York ;-)
whatever.
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
2/26/08
1/31/08
01 Beginning
Beginning... where do you even start? Beginning of the wo rld...of my life...of school...of college... of my relationship...of the end...? A topic so broad it boggles my mind.
When I think beginning though I really think the beginning of college, because it was really the beginning of my life as my life. When I didn't have to report to parentals anymore (even though in hs I usually didn't).
It started pretty rough for me. No... rough is an understatement... I came close to failing out. It was ugly. School is going much better for me now . . . but that's not where this is going.
My first day here at university (uni) was one of the worst but most exciting and that week got better and worse at the same time. I knew nobody. I wasn't one of those girls who went to school with all of my best friends. And I had a lot of good friends. . . so going somewhere where I didn't know ANYBODY. . . pretty tough for me.
On my second day here we were doing all the stupid "welcome weekend" stuff and "getting to know your class" bullshit. I met this boy. And he was perfect. Beautiful body... looked like heath ledger in 10 things i hate about you. . . a little shorter. . . other than that . . . perfect. And he became my first real friend here. He introduced me to hookah (flavored tobacco... it's wonderful) and he took me to my first american bar. . . got me drunk for the first time . . . got himself more drunk. . . and I sobered up to take car of him. (side note: this is when I met my significant other. . . while taking care of drunky).
Looking back on that. . . it all seems inevitable. But wh at if I hadn't remembered his name what if it had been someone else. . . I would be a totally different person than I am now. I wouldn't have frequented the parties I did because i wouldn't have met those boys first. . .Potentially I wouldn't have partied at all . . . since I didn't in high school (which wouuld have been stellar for my gpa...)
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Part 2. or, depending on how you look at it, part 1
I shouldn't be here today. I really shouldn't. I should have died when I was a baby. The only reason I didn't was because I was lifeflighted to a larger hospital where they could better take care of me. My parents didn't get to hold me right after I was born, potentially why I don't feel as close to them as some of my peers. . . from the very beginning of my life it has been full of drama. Something I don't paticularly enjoy. Something I aslo usually don't have a lot of control over.
************************************************************************************
When I think beginning though I really think the beginning of college, because it was really the beginning of my life as my life. When I didn't have to report to parentals anymore (even though in hs I usually didn't).
It started pretty rough for me. No... rough is an understatement... I came close to failing out. It was ugly. School is going much better for me now . . . but that's not where this is going.
My first day here at university (uni) was one of the worst but most exciting and that week got better and worse at the same time. I knew nobody. I wasn't one of those girls who went to school with all of my best friends. And I had a lot of good friends. . . so going somewhere where I didn't know ANYBODY. . . pretty tough for me.
On my second day here we were doing all the stupid "welcome weekend" stuff and "getting to know your class" bullshit. I met this boy. And he was perfect. Beautiful body... looked like heath ledger in 10 things i hate about you. . . a little shorter. . . other than that . . . perfect. And he became my first real friend here. He introduced me to hookah (flavored tobacco... it's wonderful) and he took me to my first american bar. . . got me drunk for the first time . . . got himself more drunk. . . and I sobered up to take car of him. (side note: this is when I met my significant other. . . while taking care of drunky).
Looking back on that. . . it all seems inevitable. But wh at if I hadn't remembered his name what if it had been someone else. . . I would be a totally different person than I am now. I wouldn't have frequented the parties I did because i wouldn't have met those boys first. . .Potentially I wouldn't have partied at all . . . since I didn't in high school (which wouuld have been stellar for my gpa...)
************************************************************************************
Part 2. or, depending on how you look at it, part 1
I shouldn't be here today. I really shouldn't. I should have died when I was a baby. The only reason I didn't was because I was lifeflighted to a larger hospital where they could better take care of me. My parents didn't get to hold me right after I was born, potentially why I don't feel as close to them as some of my peers. . . from the very beginning of my life it has been full of drama. Something I don't paticularly enjoy. Something I aslo usually don't have a lot of control over.
************************************************************************************
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