Seriously. Why would you do this to me. Why do I question every thought I have? Why do I want to die after you leave? Why do I cry when you're not here? Why does it matter so much to me that I don't feel needed? Why is it important to me to be needed? Why? Is it because I always was . . . since I was little. Mom needed me to do this . . . Dad needed me to do this. . . I hate being alone. . . I never had that growing up I hate it now. But he. . . he needs it. . . I hate that. I just want to curl up in his arms. . . I want him to love me like I love him . . . I want him to need me. . .It's the old song. "i like a man who's crazy about me. . . I like a man who can live without me too." I'm convinced of his ability to live without me... but not so much that he's crazy about me. Not anymore. I was. at one point in time. but now... it scares me how little i believe it. I haven't lost hope . . . I always hope that I'll see it again. . . but damn. . . I need to be needed and I don't think I am.