I don;'t know what it is about coming back home. I'm scared. Scared that he won't love me. Scared that I'm not important. Scared that somehow things are different.

I want to be the badass confident girl I was as a freshman.

But I don't know that she ever really existed. She had disordered eating. Didn't eat for days...and then binged on everything she could get her hands on. She needed multiple men to validate self-worth. She was hot as hell, but only cared about being wanted. She was skinny...but didn't care about others. Not like I do now.

I don't know how to even temporarily channel that girl. I don't *really* know that I want to...but I want my self-confidence back. I want to be able to *really* be happy again.