04 Change

It is bound to happen. I suppose. It's not something I enjoy- reason 897 I'm a republican. lol. I hate the way my life is changing right now. I hate the way that I can't figure out what I want and what I need. I need love here. But I don't know that I need love to be happy. I don't want to be alone. So that's not changing. Not for awhile.
I have changed. In the last year I've grown up more than I could have ever imagined possible. I am so much more responsible and adult. I don't really like that. I liked the fun and carefree person I was last year. But my classes were bad last year. Ps. I'm fucked for my math test in an hour. I want to cry. But anything I don't know, it isn't going to help, because I'm going to forget anything I study now. Plus I'm in class. I've spent I don't know a total of 15 hours over the weekend studying for this test- something I never would have done before.
Back on subject. Things change and I don't like it. There's consequences and retributions. I'd like to just stay 18 forever. (I'm 19 now) Sad that I'm already past what's been my favorite age. But I'm looking forward to 21. =D
(My accounting professor is lecturing about what professional dress is. Apparantly I'm not supposed to show up in a swimsuit.)
But seriously... I'm scared of change. I'm scared of changing too much. I'm scared to grow up and to graduate. I'm scared of leaving home. I"m scared. And I don't know what to do about it.