does he care?

I'm scared. I'm so scared I made the wrong choice. It doesn't have to be a permanant choice... and I know my parents disapprove... but it's not their life. It's mine. But god damn. I don't CARE that he's on vacation. He's on vacation in VEGAS and doesn't want to talk to me. I have had an absolutely awful week. And he can't deal with me cuz he's on vacation. It's not a vacation from me. That's not what it's supposed to be. But ... he doesn't want to talk to me. He says he forgave me... but how can I believe that? Really. It doesn't make sense to me. I can't. I can't and it sucks. I want to. But jeeez if he cared that much wouldn't he txt me back? That's all I'm asking for. He calls me at night. So I can talk to him before I go to bed. But that's not what I want either. I want to be able to KNOW I can count on him. Right now I don't feel like I can. I know that if he reads this that it's going to hurt... but honestly... maybe it should. I'm crying because he doesn't know when I get to talk to him. I'm just starting my period. I'm hormonal and I'm not okay. I just made a pretty big decision he was part of and I don't feel wanted. I don't fucking care that it's st patty's day. His friends ALREADY got drunk once today. So big fucking deal if they don't go out again. I don't get to go out tonight. And even if I did... I'd be passed out before he wanted to talk. Why do we always have to talk on HIS terms? Why not when I need him?